“Emotional abuse could be causing your depression.”
Emotional abuse is one of the most common, yet overlooked, causes of depression. It’s sneakier and much harder to prove than physical abuse because it doesn’t leave any marks for others to see. However, in some ways it’s much more dangerous. It attacks the victim’s very being; their mind and soul.
It’s important to include this topic. It’s difficult to overcome depression if there are people in your life who constantly pull you down. How are you supposed to maintain a new, more empowering mindset and confidence if you have people in your life who are experts at undermining you? There are many great words of advice out there, telling you how to deal with people you have problems with. However, they have a tendency to assume you’re dealing with people who are essentially normal and decent. When it comes to abusers however, you’re dealing with a whole different kettle of fish. Tell a decent person they’ve hurt you, and they will usually apologize and try to avoid the behavior in the future. Tell an abuser they’ve hurt you and they will twist everything to make you look like the bad guy, tell you that you’re too sensitive, or otherwise make you feel like shit. You’ll often somehow find yourself apologizing to them, even though you were sure you hadn’t done anything wrong. You’ll feel completely confused, both during and after the conversation. You’ve also just given them an exact blueprint so they’ll know how to hurt you anytime they want. And they WILL use it against you.
I have very little patience for emotional abusers. They lack the courage to show who they really are, instead hiding behind little barbs and digs, mind games and crazy making behaviors. They are moral cowards. They can undermine you, convince you that you don’t know who you are and make you doubt yourself until the only person you feel you can believe in is the smiling snake in front of you. You can never hold this person accountable for their behavior. They are NEVER in the wrong and it’s ALWAYS your fault. Convinced of your worthlessness, feeling ashamed and guilty all the time without quite knowing why, having your sense of reality gradually eroded away, and feeling anger you’re never allowed to express, these all get turned inwards on you in the form of depression.
There is only one rule when you’re involved with an emotional abuser. You can never win. You’ll find yourself jumping through hoops, convinced that if you can just find the right hoop, everything will magically change and your relationship with your abuser will become everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Don’t waste your time. The game is rigged against you. You can learn how to deal with an emotional abuser here.
How can you tell if you’re involved with an emotionally abusive person? It can be hard to see it because you’ve probably been trained to overlook their behavior, or trained to think it’s normal. There are countless ways emotional abuse can rear its head so here are the most common ones. These are the crazy-making behaviours that are most likely to lead to you struggling with depression as a result of dealing with this person.
As mentioned already: You’re always wrong. Nothing they ever do is their fault. Their behavior is always justified but yours never is. You can never call them out on their behavior. These are the people who gasp when confronted with the evidence of their actions, and act like someone holding them accountable for their behavior is somehow a far worse crime than the behavior itself. I’ve had one person inform me that if he hurts someone, it’s just as nasty for them to make him feel bad about it as he is to have hurt them in the first place. Naturally enough, this does not work the other way around. This same guy blamed everyone else for him not achieving anything he wants in life because he claimed that “their energies” were holding him back.
Which leads me to my next point. Blaming others. Does this person claim that everything is someone else’s fault, even when this is as nonsensical as the example given above? Every time you have a disagreement with this person, are you always to blame? Listen to your own better judgment and don’t allow anyone to convince you that you’re to blame for their behavior. You are not responsible for the actions and feelings of a grown adult. If you expect people to take responsibility for their own behavior, it will be much harder for an abuser to control you. Page 2>>>