humor, dark funny jokes and one-liners always manage to light you up, no
matter how badly you’re feeling. Enjoy
these jokes and let them brighten up your day. They’re not all depression
humor, but they will all make you smile.
without sunshine is like, night.
foolproof to a talented fool.
is merely anger without enthusiasm.
bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
If at first
you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
always occurs in private and failure in full view.
think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
Army, meet interesting people, kill them
Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain
is something you don't get until just after you need it.
smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
If I agreed
with you, we'd both be wrong.
I asked God
for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked
fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great
white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Some people get so rich they lose all respect for
humanity. That's how rich I want to be.
could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if
they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man,
How to avoid
an attack from an unfriendly lion: Wait until the lion is 5 feet away and then
ram a pair of ladders down it's throat. If you have trouble finding ladders in
the jungle then a small item of furniture such as a bedside table or a cocktail
cabinet will do.
hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t. ~Douglas Adams
“I bet a
fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an
eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun
be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and
they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about
the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.”- Jack
clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this
started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown
killed my dad.”- Jack Handy
nothing, deny everything, make counter accusations."
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