Depression Humor

Depression humor, dark funny jokes and one-liners always manage to light you up, no matter how badly you’re feeling. Enjoy these jokes and let them brighten up your day. They’re not all depression humor, but they will all make you smile.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because man, they're gone.

How to avoid an attack from an unfriendly lion: Wait until the lion is 5 feet away and then ram a pair of ladders down it's throat. If you have trouble finding ladders in the jungle then a small item of furniture such as a bedside table or a cocktail cabinet will do.

The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t. ~Douglas Adams

“I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the cave men, "If I have come to destroy you, may the sun be blotted out from the sky." Just then the eclipse would start, and they'd probably try to kill you or something, but then you could explain about the rotation of the moon and all, and everyone would get a good laugh.”- Jack Handy

“To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.”- Jack Handy

"Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter accusations."

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